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my psycho-babble during sleep-deprived nights
writings of a near-insomniac deity
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bahala na si grammar, haha

MONDAY is not my day. Its the day i wake up at 6am, and gets to my 830 class at exactly 915. 5mins more and class is dismissed. This happens...always...as in always. And i suck on passing quizzes and get very low exam (failed, that is). But I have to be in this class no matter what. I have exceeded university rule for absences. What's new.

***
Then I'm off to Mandaluyong, for the first of the many series of my Job Hunting Adventure. I am clad in my longsleeves and black leather shoes. Fits for a customer care specialist application. True enough, I am the only one wearing super [semi] formal. And then sucketh yet again for oral assessment. I knew it. I am not for service sector employment. Much as I puzzle what they do, is my inability to handle shifting clients [and their moods]. Oh well, gained experience though. At least i know what to do in the other job interviews [hopefully not again call center companies]. Still waits for my pfizer, abscbn, etc applications. All I get are automated messages from jobstreet. Talk about impatience. I check my professional mail twice a day.
***
[Yes, that is my primary goal now, to job hunt. Thesis will come into way before last week of Feb. haha. I guess redirections must be made by then.]
***
I missed my socsci class again, reporting stuffs threaten me each day. As well as my PI class, I will not allow myself to fully dwell in all the revolutionary transformations (ka-tibakan). It is only successful in giving me headaches every after class. So I need a break from it.
***
I also bought Chipod. the cheap, made from China iPod. As is needed for thesis. My tape recorder abandoned me. It does not work in any ways anymore. Maybe I got a better deal with the chipod. Aside from it being a recorder, I can enjoy my music anytime (talk about advertising). And microcassette tape recorders were  a lot more expensive. I will not slash off anymore bucks since:
a. Baguio field trip is nearing
b. maroon 5 concert excites me and
c. A valentine's date haunts me
I just hope this thing lasts whilst I need it.
***
And to end my business tour (from envsci classes to mandaluyong interview), i hit on
blissfreak and sheena as they go onto the library for some thesis bonding, hah! creeps me out! hehe. I exhausted ash's laptop for any program, music, and applications i can use. hehe, talk about leeching.
Come the terror of Pepsi for completely ruining my ruined day already. Spilled Pepsi on the bottled thrice, only realized it until the soda went on my pants. What a good day I had.
***
Maybe next time, mondays will be more kind to me.
nonchalant


You are late-sleepy relaxation, the half-awake moment when you realize it's morning, but you don't have to get up, because there's no place you have to be. You are that cozy spot under the covers where everything feels temporarily perfect, even if you know you'll eventually have to wiggle out and start the day. Maybe you're the artistic type, who doesn't function well on a normal schedule. Sleep's important to you, and you like the freedom of sleeping as late as you want (especially since that is closely related to the freedom to stay up as late as you want). You like to roll out of bed, put on some comfy clothes, and get a laid back start to the day. If not everything on your list gets accomplished, no worries. Your only priority is having no priorities – you just want to take things at a slow, mellow pace.

*hits me
haha
nonchalant
12th-Jan-2008 10:14 pm - it hurts but it may be the only way
first crappy post of the year,
hooray

***
i think i am kind of getting a sense in a lot of things lately.
***
1. thesis: I am productive (*in my own sense), i have done everything i KNEW i could do. i have made all i ever needed for preliminaries, and all i get is a large shit in the face. anxiety and fear run down my spines during the first meeting of the year in thesis class. i was kind of excited, proud and ready when i entered the room. to my disappointment, everything went shitty. i still haven't heard a good advise from an adviser. kulang na lang sabihin niya, let's stop wasting our time and drop this class. anxiety attack almost got me.
***
2. exams: glad that i can still pull off exams. i revived the feeling of being boastful every after exams, just like way back in HS. this rush never fails me. i always get good grades after. i am still good at objective exams, hooray to aristarchus!
***
3.eating: i think i am really getting fat. i eat more than i think i can gobble up just this year. and i really getting a lot of "tumaba ka" from never-seen-for-the-longest-time friends. anyway, what's new. i think i now convinced myself that i did get fat, just browsing at previous sem pix.
***
4. friends and self: i start to learn i could do many things, when i am alone, than with my friends. I have been a friend-dependent person. that's why maybe i am not growing up, maturely in perspectives. i started accepting they had their own lives, new friends, found love, and will not hinder to any of their happiness. misanthropy will never get me, again. i will just enjoy new things around me, even if it means learning it only by myself.
***
and fuck, lately, i've been listening to:
FANGIRLY music.
hello red jumpsuit apparatus, fallout boy, boys like girls, click five and maroon five.
get me back to my RAMMSTEIN days
huhu
nonchalant
I am missing good old days.

I am missing my good old friends.

I am missing my good old habits.

I am missing good old me.

***
I will find me.
emo
gustong-gusto kong makakilala ng mga taong mabulaklak ang salita. Iyun bang kayang-kaya kang paikutin, sa pamamagitan lang ng kanilang salita. Madali akong mauto at mapalapit sa mga ganyang tao. Kaya siguro gusto rin nila ako dahil madali rin nila akong mapapasunod sa kung anumang gusto nilang gawin. Masaya siguro na sila'y aking napagbibigyan, ngunit marahil mas masaya ako na marinig ang musika ng kanilang mga labi.

Mga makata, maboka, bolero, bolera.
Masaya sila kausap. Lalo na kapag pinagtuunan ka nila ng pansin. Madadala ka sa tamis ng bawat letrang lumalabas sa kanilang bibig. Masayang makinig sa kanilang mga pangungusap.

Malaman, malalim, nang-aakit, nang-eenganyo.
 isa ako sa mga nahuhulog, sa ganitong klaseng patibong.
Hindi na siguro ako magsasawa, at hindi rin madadala. paulit-ulit, paikot-ikot.. Nais kong muling makakilala ng makata. Sana sa susunod na katha, aking damdamin ang iyung malasin.
nonchalant
Yes, I take Centrum now. My frustrated medic mom bought me several tablets. I was FORCED to swallow them. Do I look not complete? What's wrong with me?
***
ayan na naman, what's wrong with me mode na naman tayo. Everything's so messed up (what's new?). Everytime i post an entry to the lj world, it seems like i flush all daylemas of may layp, which i actually dont.
***
it's satisfying of my ANIMA. the female side of my machismo upbringing(OO MERON). Blogging was never a male thing (of the past). Add to that my confessions title, and all that rantings, like crazy. Shet, buhay na buhay si ANIMA!!!
***
Back to my being complete (or filling it up to be complete), maybe mom was really concerned with what/how i look these days. SHET, di pa nga ako nangangarag sa thesis, kung anu-ano na napgdadaanan ko. And that's the point where i level with all those big kapamilya stars. YES, I WANT TO BE COMPLETE!!!
***
Part of it means feeling the spirit of christmas. Mushy may it seem, but I think Christmas will serve as a right time (and feel) for me. Behind all those beatings, I still believe in christmas. i dwell in its commodification, i find glory in its commercialization, and all those mushy and emotional advertisements, even if it means buying another one a liter of coke, or pasalubong packages from goldilocks. Aztig naman the ads, may kurot sa puso. haha. and for that, I'D LITERALLY DO ANYTHING TO ENJOY CHRISTMAS. Fuck all those naninira sa commercialization and commodification of christmas! It somehow works, y'know. (i sound desperate)
***
Kurot sa puso, most of my lj friends write mushy-emo stuff, a talent i cannot achieve. I write as objectively as i can, i cannot write dramatic lines, all that jazz and more, which i envy from others, since the message is expressed effectively, and conveyed creatively. Bravo friends, cheers to that. I wish i can write as good as you are, sadly i dont. That's why I stayed away from LJ for a long time, as i read to your may kurot sa puso entries. Mga peste kayo, panu niyo ba ginagawa yon? hehe
***
Back to centrum thing (this is called marketing), i was really hoping for its positive effects. Wll colorful balls bloom on my side? Will it make my day so cheerful and bright? Will it make me an engleshero infront of a camera, sharing my i want to be complete moment? I wish all would happen (except for last). Kasi kahit di winter sa pinas, i experience holiday depression. Hay buhay.
***
Kahit malabo entry ko, isa lang alam kong sigurado.

I WANT TO BE COMPLETE
(peste, ilang ulit ko bang sasabihin yan/ pede na ba direk?
gulantang
I am very much proud to say that.


I SURVIVED RUBIO.

and that means...
the path of graduating on time
gets more clear as i get near onto it.

waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
several sleepless nights are finally over,
I can now think clearly on what gameplan
and strategies will i have
to fully achieve graduation on time.

and also,
i get to have 2.75 for a grade
and that means
i have experienced all possible grades in the class card
congrats to me.

*oh, i almost forgot, i must clear that INC before classes start
(emanates determined aura)
nonchalant
29th-Oct-2007 03:26 pm - i am jack's freaking paranoia
WORST GRADES EVER!!!

I couldnt think of any ways of redeeming my(grades) ever again, but hey, thanks and  i get to experience every conceivable grade, a student can get. (except for 2.75, i think)

anyways, they are all reasonable enough (except for rubio class and ester class), i am kind of expecting more decent grades. and i dunno what to do with all this shit grades. i thought i completed all ym requirements for ester class, and for rubio, i dunno what's with the blank grade. is she thinking of a 3 or 5 grade? (since she is not giving grades of 4/INC)

i really am depressed right now. but i have no one to blame but my self.

*sana di ko na lang tiningnan ung grades ko sa CRS

on a brighter side( haha, taken from
hiponesa),
i get to enlist all my class for next semester. yippee...or not.

i would not want to start my sem all weary and dreary (i must get to the socio dept during this sembreak, waaaaaaah)
*kelan magbubukas ang dept?
~zhankyou~
gulantang
This is my third time changing layouts. Thanks to ellimac_00, i get to find her layout links. And also to thefulcrum for wonderful layouts. BTW, im using teddy's previous layout.
***
from the very first time i saw it, i kinda wished for the same layout, and was thinking on how to get one (really same layout, well, love the color that is). and yes, i get my hands to one of them layouts. thanks teddy and you changed your previous one, so i can use it (freely). i think IPR is what i really learned from the previous sem. aside from outlining (Rubio is still haunting me, with her warmest, wicked and sweetest smiles *creepy)
***
so there, i think i accomplished my first goal, to learn CSS. oh, not really, i just dealt with those codes the first time, and luckily, i didn't get lost. *winkwink, needless to say, i MUST really try to understand most of the codes, so the next time i [copy] them, it wouldn't spoil anything. {like what the heck are the headers, URLs, images and all that *nosebleed terms}
***
yes, boring nights would equate to productive CSS tutorials and cool layout hunting. so anyone, pls give good links to the various free css hosting sites, as i would gladly immerse myself in the wonderful and crazy world of CSS.
***
and yes, no more colorful fonts. haha

***can anyone refer some real good layout links? those user-friendly ones and not those super sophisticated incomprehensible hosting sites (in short, i can freely copy and paste codes to CSS sheets), hehe (oo na, si master teddy na kausap ko)
***and just one more note, how do you get rid of those nasty screaming ads? it really annoys me. waaaah. plspls tell me right away, i badly hate those ads, waaaah
nonchalant
finally,
WORST SEM IS FINALLY OVER!!!!

its been a never-ending subject for my entries, but finally finally, i do not to worry passing on about any requirements anymore.
except for those pending grade status (i am not wishing for any INC grade, or drop, or 5; grades of 3 will be very palpable enough)
enough for it

***

now, im thinking, what's the best thing to do during a measly 2 week sembreak, if any.
i had this list before:
1. learn photoshop
2. learn CSS, XHTML, etc
3. (bakit puro learn) watch hana kimi
4. find good anime
5. gimikgimik
6. partey
7. be a couch potato (more than ever)


haha, those are what i think of the moment, aside from waiting and checking for grade thru CRS every single night( i had grades for 2 subj now). or maybe its better not to worry about all of these.

***

recommend me a good series, film, anime, music or anything, just to keep me busy
hehe

***



happyhappy sembreak everyone!!!


***


(wag kalimutang itext si nanay kung may mga plano kayong gimik o lakad, ha? hehe)
nonchalant
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